Girls Gone Wild....with a "schweaty" RollerDerby bat.

Yes, Girls Night Out finally arrived! We felt it was time to brave the roller derby without da mens. We thought it would be most fitting if we went out to eat at "Jose's" since we were headed to Springdale, which is as south of the border as you can get around here. The food was pretty good....but be forwarned.....if you order beans on the side - be aware that they bring enough for a small mexican army.

Perhaps the most "virgin" when it comes to white trash exposure, would be Dana. Her innocence to this uncharted land was the most amusing for all of us. We were rather disappointed she didn't go into labor at the Derby. What a blog that would have been. Just look at her sweet face!




















She "reviewed" the program and was quick to find her favorite derby girl. See below.


That's right. It says "White Trashlee #72". The night was full of wipe outs, injuries (which are pretty cool because everyone kneels down until they are hauled off....very reverent). There was a skate to the face, a 6 foot African American woman (who had the skate name of 'Blackzilla') face planted, a derby girl who skated her heart out until she was vomiting in the penalty box, and 65 year old referee who was laid out by a chain reaction wipe out, a plethora of smells, a bearded and "boobied" man in women's clothing, AND batman. How could I forget batman?

LOOK AT HIM GO! THE GRACE! THE BEAUTY! THE BLOODY FOREARM!

So dark! So cryptic! So evasive! But luckily we cornered him by the snack bar for a photo op. WOW.

The bonus was the schweaty arm around the back of my neck that I had the pleasure of decontaminating immediately after. I think Courtney got his number.
She loves those masked men.



The highlight of my evening was making the discovery that the bathroom sinks are OUTSIDE of the restrooms. This enables onlookers to monitor who washes their hands. I must say that I was deeply disturbed of the small sampling I took. Ew. Add Purell to the camera bag next trip.
Overall, the night rocked. It was stinky, it was "schweaty", it was disturbing....but it rocked.

Tree + Rope +5 Year old who wants to lose a tooth = NOT GOOD!

Last Thursday, June 12th, Tom was away in Kansas City. I was making final preparations to take the kids to the pool for an afternoon swim. I was on the phone with Tom and Karah came screaming into the house with Blood everywhere and her front teeth pointing AT me. I will forgo all of the details of my crying and freaking out...for my benefit.

Grandma and I rushed her in to the dentist, as she bravely endured two extractions.

So you are wondering what went down? Well, she did.

A "friend", I prefer to call her a brat...had recently told Karah that if she wanted a loosed tooth to come out - to bite on a rope and have someone pull it. Karah didn't have the required "resources" - so she tied a jump rope into our tree - bit down on it and bailed out of the tree.Well, it worked. One tooth is still MIA - so that is a total of three teeth lost in one jump. A 4th tooth was very loose, as well, but the dentist decided to let that one come out on it's own.

Tom rushed home from Kansas City to be there for her. Such a sweet Daddy. The tooth fairy came and paid a little extra cash bonus for pain and suffering. Mama coped with Oreos.

I am still shocked at how calm Karah was on the way to the dentist and how still she was when she was being worked on. She is an amazing little girl....and resourceful too!

What's up with the Coons?

Typically, you hear stories of the raccoons emerging after the sun goes down - so they can dig through your trash or say, your bird feeder. Not no mo. I took a pic of this little rascal the other day in broad daylight. What the heck is up with that? What bird is going to attempt a landing with him hanging out at the buffet? He has definitely impeded the bird traffic. We have named him Ricky. He is from a large family, but the most common culprit. Ricky has cojones....I'll give him that much.

I'm the Birthday Girl! (June 8th)

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be 34. I know it sounds odd. It seems I was a bit infatuated with Walter Payton, of the Chicago Bears, and of course - his number was 34. Much to my dismay, I realized that my 34th birthday would be on a Sunday. This should be illegal - at least for the "sabbath keepers". What a rip off - or at least I thought. It ended up being one of the best evah!!

Tom took work off on Friday and had arranged for a sitter. We went out to breakfast and then went candle shopping at Yankee and to some other home interior stores (my favorite).

Saturday, my sister-in-love Shannon (it's love that relates us - not the law) took me to lunch at the Station for a deliciously greasy burger and fries. (We shared the shake). We then spent time at the pool with the kids while our hubbies were in a golf tournament.

That evening, Tom and I went out to dinner at our favorite place - The River Grille. Nothing compares. It was a caloric nightmare - but a dream all at the same time. Crab cakes, Filet Mignon, Spinach salad with warm pancetta dressing, fresh sourdough bread, and creme brulee, of course. Holy cow - that is a lot once I see it in writing. Wow.








Sunday, we had our party with the kids. They each gave me a card - in Spanish - which was quite amusing - since I don't speak Spanish :) In the kitchen, I found birthday greetings written on the windows with auto window paint sticks. (The remnants of which are still waiting to be extracted from the carpet when Sears comes next week.) We opened gifts and then they sent me on a scavenger hunt for "the" gift. The clues eventually led me to my office where I found a much needed high back leather chair. It is beautiful and holds my butt ever so gently as I type this right now. I LOVE it.

The weekend was topped off with a cake that Tom had specially made in honor of the day. I am so blessed with such a thoughtful husband. He makes everything special and meaningful. I could watch paint dry with him. The kids aint bad, either.

Never Take a Sunday Nap!

Back in May, one Sunday afternoon, I took the rare opportunity and took a LONG nap. Tom had the kids in the basement - everyone was so quiet - it was blissful. Apparently, Tom was a bit groggy too, because he put "Phantom of the Opera" on for my 5 and 3 year old to watch. Yes, the PG-13 version - the dark, seductive, and age inappropriate one. I was unaware that it had taken place until the next morning when Karah started talking about a phantom and asked if I had paper, scissors, and tape. About 20 minutes later she emerged with her creation.

Karah was so proud of her creation that she rode her bike around the neighborhood with it on. When Tom came home and saw her, I have never heard him laugh so hard. He didn't laugh too long - after all he had some explaining to do.

Ever since then, the kids have not stopped singing their favorite phantom songs. Bradley yells, "Sing to me my darling" as Karah belts is out higher and higher. We have opted to expose them to the CD, as opposed to the DVD.

Moral of the story - if you don't want Child Protective Services called on you - for a mental assessment to be conducted on your child - after they are spotted masked, on a Barbie Bike....don't take a nap on Sunday.

Yet another Redneck Adventure!

Years ago, Tom and I grew weary of doing the same old thing every weekend - dinner and a movie. Dont get me wrong - we love dinner...and we love movies - but we thought it would be fun to start something we termed "YOE" or (Year of Exploration). We made a rule that on our dates - we had to do something that we had never experienced together. We have gotten creative through the years - and have tons of great memories.

Well - on May 31st - it was The Rollerderby. That's right - Rollerderby. Large women in fish net stockings on wheels - elbowing each other out of the way. It was all we dreamed of and more. We pulled up in the parking lot and all of the derby ladies were in the back of a pickup smoking cigarettes (I think). We got front row seats in the rink (held at Roller City). The only thing it lacked was some licorice rope from the concession stand and me and Tom doing a couples skate to "You're the Inspiration" (Tom would be the one skating backwards). It was a double date with my brother John and his wife Shannon.

This weekend is an exclusive girls night out back at the derby. The guys have a priesthood meeting - so it's our time to get wild. Who knows - maybe someone will even sport the fishnets!

Rat Bastard

I despise him. Not only did Chuck E. Cheese assault me when I was a Senior in High school (yes, he grabbed my boob) - but now he assaults my children with vile bacteria every time we go to visit him in his nasty little rat hole that he calls a "fun zone". Without fail, EVERY SINGLE TIME WE GO, within 48 hours - the kids either have a fever, are vomiting, out of control irritable, or itching. I am itching just talking about it. We took Karah there to celebrate her kindergarten graduation - and alas, Bradley had a 103 degree temp shortly thereafter.

What a nasty little rats nest. I actually went up into the tunnels to see if they have some sort of ventilation system - or if it is just a hot and humid little petri dish - growing all sorts of bacteria and "fungai". I went through one tunnel and my jeans were wet on the knees. The options were limitless. Was it a child's saliva, vomit, urine, sprite, or the biological warfare agent that Chuck had placed in the tunnel the night before?

One will never know - but all things considered - Mr. Cheese should be either incarcerated or have his neck snapped in an over sized rat trap. He is either infecting our children or ripping them off by having us spend $50 on tokens that the kids get to cash in on a spider ring and a 2 inch laffy taffy. He's a rat bastard. But I'm not bitter.