Let's Put This Theory To Rest.

A few of you have proposed that my bad karma be a result of my cat ownership. Let me make one thing clear......my cat ownership is PART of my bad karma. I have never been a fan of the feline. Never. Karah begged and begged for a kitten - and I always said, "NO!" No offense to the cat lover - but I don't like furry animals walking on my counters, stinking up my house with their litter box, cat hair covering everything, having my leather furniture destroyed as it as used as a scratching post, the nasty little sand paper tongue they come after you with, and Oh, let's not forget the hairballs and vomit.
One day Karah was playing in the front yard - she was just 3 years old. OUT OF NOWHERE this tiny, little kitten came running towards her and leaped into her arms. She said, "Mommy! Daddy! It's Jesus' kitty. He gave her to me! Can I keep her???"

Now what do you say to that? "Yes" was the only option that wouldn't send me straight to hell. My intense disdain for cats led me to my ownership. Now that I think about it.....this bad karma thing started a loooong time ago.

This morning Courtney made eggs for breakfast. Just as she got ready to bite into them, her standard poodle (those are the huge ones) puked all over the place, right in front of her. I pass the bad karma baton to her. Maybe it's that easy. We'll see if it works.

This is getting SO annoying...

I am beginning to think that I am some sick form of a "reality show" for the heavens. "Let's see what Sarah does when we do this......it will be hilarious!!!" I suppose it wasn't good enough that my van was sprayed by a skunk. The practical joke Gods thought it would be so cute to let me enter my garage this morning to find this.....

My skunk-mobile covered in cat vomit. It was actually worse than shown in the pic - this was AFTER a clearing of the windshield. The windshield had a vomit span approximately 3 inches x 9 inches. It was a long path of vomit that came directly down the middle of the windshield.

I was running out the door to attend Parents Day at Bradley's preschool. Tom was already at the school waiting for me to arrive. I got in the car and turned on the wipers - trying to clear the vomit - and it spread everywhere. I could hardly see out of the windshield. I was gagging and dry heaving as the smell came through the vents. I kept spraying the washer fluid while I was driving down the road - so it then blew the vomit all over my driver's side window. I pulled up to the school and parked in the very back where nobody would see me.

After I was finished, I went through the drive thru of McDonald's and no, I did NOT get a biscuit. It was a fruit and yogurt, I'll have you know. I thought if my window was down, they wouldn't notice the vomit. Well, the guy at the drive thru window looked towards the top of my car and looked extremely disturbed. I didn't think another thing about it until I got home and realized there was a HUGE pile of the vomit on the top of my car.

When I got home I had the intention of getting the car cleaned BEFORE I had to return to pick Bradley up. Well, I got carried away removing wallpaper and ran out of time. I rushed to the school - and parked right by the front door, hoping I could grab Bradley and get out of there before anyone saw us.

Well, class was late letting out - so I waited in the hallway as the parents filed in. Another mother said to one of her friends, "Did you see that van out there that is covered in something?" The friend replied, "YES! That's cat vomit. I live on a farm....I know my animals."

I had two options. Pretend the car wasn't mine and walk home.....OR fess up. So - I interrupted and said, "Yeah, that vans mine. God doesn't love me anymore." They laughed and wanted to go out and see it, which I found most sickening.

I guess it was a good ice breaker. Made a couple of new friends.

Well, I took Bradley to Subway for lunch and parked the skunk/puke mobile in the front. I laughed the entire time I was inside, watching people walk by with disgust on their faces.

After lunch I tried to hose it off. I already had the beginning of a crack in my windshield - so when the cold water hit the hot windshield - the crack spread to the other edge. The vomit would not budge because it had baked on in the sun. Courtney proved her love and went after it with a paper towel. She is so much more of a woman than I. She got the chunks - but the smearage on the window wasn't going anywhere.

We picked Karah up for school and headed straight for the car wash. Got there and realized they didn't take cards today - so had to drive to the bank to get cash. We waited in line, withdrew the cash and I opened my console to put my money in - and FOUND a wad of money I forgot was in there. By the time we got back to the car wash there was a huge line.

We eventually got our turn - paid $8 to be de-vomitized.....so you can imagine my joy when I got home and found this:

Even after the high pressure wash, triple shine protectant, triple pass rinse - the cat puke twas unscathed. Maybe it has nine lives, too.

My Odyssey, that I was once so proud of, has been through the humility ringer. The windshield is cracked, it's been sprayed by a skunk, and vomited on by a cat. All that is left in Heaven's bag of tricks is a hubcap incident.

I am going to be taking a serious look at my life and the energy that I am putting out in the universe. Maybe a little Yoga and meditation will be required to clear this bad Karma....because as it stands now - I am emitting some kind of fecal boomerang.

Any suggestions for clearing this bad energy would be most appreciated.

To honk or not to honk......

I was minding my own business tonight at Walmart. I loaded the groceries into the van and backed out. The parking lot was crowded due to the 5:00 dinner rush. I was parked just a few spaces from the front. I backed out from my spot - and at the same time - this little Hyundai, Rice burner, with a handicapped parking permit --- pulled out of the handicapped space next to me. I noticed that the little, old lady's head was barely pepping over the top of her steering wheel.

Well, she backed out and then put her car into "park". I was behind her and I noticed traffic building up behind me. Everyone needed through and she was blocking the path of traffic. I tried to be patient and give her time to "figure out" how to get her car in gear......but her car still sat motionless. People behind me were throwing their hands up in the air - giving me the "what the heck?" signal.

I had to do it. I was peer pressured. I honked at the geriatric handicapped lady. I saw her glare in her rear view mirror at me. She scooted up about 4 feet and put her car in park again. I pulled up next to her and I saw she was writing in a journal. NOT the best place to let the thoughts flow.

Anyway, I sat there, waiting for pedestrians to pass so I could go....and when I looked left again, she sat there, motionless, with her middle finger straight up in the air. I have been flipped off - meaning a quick flip of the finger - but this was a ruthless, cold blooded, stationary flippage. There was unbroken eye contact. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. Who gets flipped off by a grandma? A handicapped grandma???

AGAIN, I was instantly reminded of something HORRIBLE that I had done about 7 years ago. Let me preface this by saying I was younger, dumber, and pregnant. I was a hormonal lunatic, the day that I did this. Bad Karma - here we come.

I pulled into the same walmart parking lot 7 years ago and the parking lot was PACKED. I got so excited when I saw a spot right up front! I flipped my car around and headed for it - when all of the sudden, this HUGE BOAT OF A BUICK came driving down the aisle the WRONG DIRECTION. He docked his blue beast DIAGONALLY across the handicapped spot - so the front of his car took up my coveted space. He then hung a handicapped permit on his mirror and skipped into the store. There was nothing handicapped about him.

So, I did what any horrible pregnant woman would do. I parked my car - FAR IN THE BACK - and wrote him a nasty little letter. It went a bit like this....

"Sir- If you are SO old that you don't know how to park your car - GET OFF THE ROAD! Your boat is way too big for you to handle. Leave it docked at the lake and drive something smaller. And by the way....you may be old - but you are NOT handicapped!

Not so much love,

A 9 month pregnant woman who had to walk from the back of the parking lot because you parked across my spot."

I feel horrible even admitting this. Deep within myself I know we have a God that doesn't hold pregnant women accountable for anything they do in their 3rd trimester.

The bad karma kicked in again - this time I was given the perma-bird by an equally old woman - who was equally NOT handicapped.

I am one of those who is always skeptical of someone who has a handicapped parking permit. I have known WAY too many people who have them from old injuries, relatives, and ebay. Regardless of where these people are getting their tags - One thing I know for sure. I'm not messing with em. If only they could understand.....

Draw Nearer....

Besides leaving my children memories to laugh about...I want to also preserve the things that I hold most dear....my spiritual beliefs and testimony. In an effort to better do that, I will have a weekly Sunday night post, "Draw Nearer" - in which I will include something that is of special value or meaning to me....and some of my thoughts on it. It is my hope that one day our children will look back, not only with laughter, but with respect for and belief in the principles that serve as their parent's foundation. I pray that they will also found their lives upon these same, true principles - that they will find as much joy in living them as we have. So kiddos....this is for you....

A favorite talk of mine by Julie B. Beck, General Relief Society President. She gave this talk a year ago, and ever since, it has been a guiding influence in my life as I raise you. Following are her words - and some of my thoughts (in red).

MOTHERS WHO KNOW

In the Book of Mormon we read about 2,000 exemplary young men who were exceedingly valiant, courageous, and strong. “Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him” (Alma 53:21). These faithful young men paid tribute to their mothers. They said, “Our mothers knew it” (Alma 56:48). I would suspect that the mothers of Captain Moroni, Mosiah, Mormon, and other great leaders also knew.

The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance. More than at any time in the history of the world, we need mothers who know. Children are being born into a world where they “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” (Ephesians 6:12). However, mothers need not fear. When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children.

Mothers Who Know Bear Children
Mothers who know desire to bear children. Whereas in many cultures in the world children are “becoming less valued,” in the culture of the gospel we still believe in having children. Prophets, seers, and revelators who were sustained at this conference have declared that “God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” President Ezra Taft Benson taught that young couples should not postpone having children and that “in the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels.” (I have always wanted you. I have wanted you since I was a little girl. Even before I met you, I knew that you would be MY greatest jewels - and change my life forever. I am so thankful that I was able to carry each of you - from feeling your first movements to hearing your cry for the first time - I knew that I had been give something of divinity. Your dad and I both knew when it was time for each of you to come into this world. I know that you each lived with our Father in Heaven before you came to us - and that we will one day return from whence you came - and dwell together as a family throughout eternity because of the covenants your father and I have made with Him. I wanted each of you then, I want you now, and I will continue wanting you throughout the eternities. You are more important to us than any possession, position, or prestige. You ARE our greatest jewels).

Faithful daughters of God desire children. In the scriptures we read of Eve (see Moses 4:26), Sarah (see Genesis 17:16), Rebekah (see Genesis 24:60), and Mary (see 1 Nephi 11:13–20), who were foreordained to be mothers before children were born to them. Some women are not given the responsibility of bearing children in mortality, but just as Hannah of the Old Testament prayed fervently for her child (see 1 Samuel 1:11), the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection (see D&C 130:18). Women who desire and work toward that blessing in this life are promised they will receive it for all eternity, and eternity is much, much longer than mortality. There is eternal influence and power in motherhood.

Mothers Who Know Honor Sacred Ordinances and Covenants
Mothers who know honor sacred ordinances and covenants. I have visited sacrament meetings in some of the poorest places on the earth where mothers have dressed with great care in their Sunday best despite walking for miles on dusty streets and using worn-out public transportation. They bring daughters in clean and ironed dresses with hair brushed to perfection; their sons wear white shirts and ties and have missionary haircuts. These mothers know they are going to sacrament meeting, where covenants are renewed. These mothers have made and honor temple covenants. They know that if they are not pointing their children to the temple, they are not pointing them toward desired eternal goals. These mothers have influence and power. (Your father and I made covenants to each other and to Heavenly Father the day we were married - and have kept them and honored them. It is because of those covenants that you have been raised in a home where peace, love and forgiveness abound. Our greatest hope is that each of you will make it a goal to make and keep those same temple covenants - that you will enjoy the blessings and eternal bonds with your spouses and children.)

Mothers Who Know Are Nurturers
Mothers who know are nurturers. This is their special assignment and role under the plan of happiness. To nurture means to cultivate, care for, and make grow. Therefore, mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Working beside children in homemaking tasks creates opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a “house of order,” and women should pattern their homes after the Lord’s house (see D&C 109). Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work. Helping growth occur through nurturing is truly a powerful and influential role bestowed on women. (This has always been an important principle to me. And you thought I just LOVED to do laundry and clean????Nay. I have always felt it was my responsibility to create a beautiful environment for each of you. It's our nest....and worth every bit of headache it takes to maintain. Nope - Don't love laundry - just love the peace that clean laundry brings. lol)

Mothers Who Know Are Leaders
Mothers who know are leaders. In equal partnership with their husbands, they lead a great and eternal organization. These mothers plan for the future of their organization. They plan for missions, temple marriages, and education. They plan for prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Mothers who know build children into future leaders and are the primary examples of what leaders look like. They do not abandon their plan by succumbing to social pressure and worldly models of parenting. These wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most. (This is one area that I have made a goal to do better at.....MAXIMIZING MY INFLUENCE WHERE IT MATTERS MOST. As a result, I have been saying "No" a lot more - realizing that when I say "No" to something ...I am really saying"Yes" to more precious time with you. I continue to try to re-evaluate my priorities and keep them where they need to be. It's so easy to let things get carried away.)

Mothers Who Know Are Teachers
Mothers who know are always teachers. Since they are not babysitters, they are never off duty. A well-taught friend told me that he did not learn anything at church that he had not already learned at home. His parents used family scripture study, prayer, family home evening, mealtimes, and other gatherings to teach. Think of the power of our future missionary force if mothers considered their homes as a pre–missionary training center. Then the doctrines of the gospel taught in the MTC would be a review and not a revelation. That is influence; that is power. (I love the time that we have set aside to teach each other. I don't only consider myself your teacher, but your student. You have each already taught me so much about myself - and what I should be.)

Mothers Who Know Do Less
Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power. (I hope this explains why we haven't enrolled you in every available sport and recreational activity :) Through the years we will counsel with you on this - guiding you as you choose the way that you will spend your time.)

Mothers Who Know Stand Strong and Immovable
Who will prepare this righteous generation of sons and daughters? Latter-day Saint women will do this—women who know and love the Lord and bear testimony of Him, women who are strong and immovable and who do not give up during difficult and discouraging times. We are led by an inspired prophet of God who has called upon the women of the Church to “stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord.” He has asked us to “begin in [our] own homes” to teach children the ways of truth. Latter-day Saint women should be the very best in the world at upholding, nurturing, and protecting families. I have every confidence that our women will do this and will come to be known as mothers who “knew” (Alma 56:48).

I pray you are patient with me as I figure this mothering thing out. It is definitely a process and a refiners fire. When iron is refined, it is heated to incredible temperatures and as it is liquefied, the impurities rise to the top and are cast off. This is the same process I am going through as your mom. I am pushed and stretched and challenged as I try to figure all of this out and keep my life in balance. As I struggle - those impurities within myself are rising to the top and our Savior is casting them off as dross. All I want is to be the kind of mom you deserve. To be good to you. To be patient with you. To build you. To listen to you. To teach you and shape you. To love you. It is through Him that I will be able to give you what you deserve....and be forgiven when I fall short. I'm trying the best I can......please be patient with me through the process.

So glad you are mine....for always,

Momma

Got Wiener?

We had an Enrichment meeting the other night on the importance of preserving our family histories. The sharing of the following story is my meager attempt to retain these memories for my children - that they may one day look back and laugh at themselves, while knowing they never left their mama wanting for amusement.

For a COMPLETE understanding of the following conversation - do your homework and read this old post. It will give you the missing pieces of the puzzle.

Karah: Mary and I went for a walk and this black wiener dog was chasing us!!!

Bradley: (disgusted look on his face- with the only "wiener" in his verbal repertoire is the one he was born with. He hadn't ventured out into the world of wieners being body parts, animals, and food) It didn't have any clothes on?

Karah: No! It was a wiener dog!

Bradley: Was it naked?

Karah: No! It was a WIENER DOG!

Bradley: SICK! A black wiener was chasing you?

Karah: (laughing hysterically) No! A wiener dog! Wouldn't that be hilarious if a wiener was chasing me?

Bradley: (doing the "I'm talking about something naughty laugh) Or wouldn't it be funny if a pita was chasing you?

Mom: (trying not to laugh audibly - camouflaging my chuckles as a cough) Okay guys. No more.

They had my number. We all laughed and laughed. Wiener dog.

What a sick word....."Wiener".

A Careful Man I Ought to Be

Friday was a special day. Bradley got to go to work with Daddy. He woke up early and I told him that I was going to pick out his clothes and he said "No Mommy, I already have dems picked out." He led me to his room where he had laid out his favorite overalls and a striped shirt. It was so sweet that he was so excited - that he had thought that far ahead. They went to work and said hello to all of the people. He got gum and a hotwheels car from Mr. Bill and Pete gave him Tater Tots. He was in heaven. To top it off - Tommy T got him breakfast at McDonalds.

Bradley didn't want much to do with Tom when he was a little baby. He only wanted me. Something kicked it when he turned two - and ever since....he lives and breathes for his Daddy. He demands to call him during the day and says, (while sniffling) "I just so miss him!" Bradley is the first to run to his truck when he pulls in the driveway at the end of the day....and cries the next morning when he finds out it isn't Saturday yet....and Daddy is going back to work.

Bradley was the person of the week - for preschool last week. He had to answer "When I grow up I want to be a __________." Of course - his answer was "Daddy". Because he has such a devoted one now - he will be an incredible one then. Courtney always says how he is going to make someone the best husband someday......it's easy to understand why.

Here is a poem that Tom carried in his pocket since he was 12 .....

"A careful man I ought to be,

A little boy follows me,

I dare not ever go astray,

For fear he'll go the self same way.

I must remember as I go

Through summer's heat and winter's snow,

I'm building for the years to be

The little chap who follows me.

I cannot once escape his eyes

What ere he sees me do he tries.

Like me, he says he's going to be....

This little chap who follows me."

I couldn't have chosen a better man for my boys to follow.

Never.

He is everything I hope for my boys to become.

Subs, Frolics, and FreakOuts.

Last Monday, for Family Night, we took the kids to the lake for a picnic.

Bradley insisted on pushing Bryce in his little "park"stroller. Even though it is our small umbrella-like stroller, he still strained to be able to see over the top.

He wouldn't even allow me to help as he struggled to push him up the steep hill.

What was on the menu? Subway, of course!
Even Bryce partook.

I caught Tommy T in the middle of a chew...and he's still a beauty.

I adore these man cubs.

Bryce pondered some of life's deeper issues as Karah and Bradley ran and played. He also experienced his first mouthful of sand.....which he decided was WAY overrated.

Bradley never slowed down. Never.

And as usual, Karah was happy to stop for the camera. What a beauty.

I caught Karah giving the Ho-hee a booty slap...trying to get him to speed up. (Yes, Mom, he is barefoot - I know, I know - there is a hypodermic needle in the sand ready to stab him - or maybe the bad guys even laced the sand with broken glass.....but he wouldn't listen!)

Bradley did the frantic, ADD ride. You know the one....where the kid goes so fast that the springs bend and the snout of the horse touches the ground. Do horses have snouts, muzzles,beaks, or is it just called a nose? I TOLD YOU I'm animal remedial.

Bryce was not distracted by any of this. He continued to ponder Plato, Socrates, and Voltaire. He had not time for this nonsense.

There were sand angels.....
And cartwheels.....

And sweating and climbing.....

And beauty......until......

The ducks came.

I brought three loaves of bread to feed the ducks - and every fowl within a 10 mile radius showed up. Later that night, I was informed that you AREN'T supposed to feed the ducks -that there had been an article in the paper - saying that the geese pooh was messing up the bacteria levels in the lake - hence they needed to cut down on the amount of pooh. Woops. This explained the ravenous pecking.

He was my favorite. He had a turkey gobbler on his face. He was patient and lay his beak on my lap until I got the next piece ready.... unlike the others who were pecking holes into my knees....and Bradley's.

Tom and the boys went to the car for some counseling. The maniac ducks finished the loaf off and we called it a night.

Some Family Nights don't turn out "quite" as we expected.....but at least they're memorable. And THAT is what it's ALLLLLL about.