YOE Date Night: Peas and Balls

Sometimes for YOE, we venture out to a new restaurant we have always "wondered" about. Last night was one of those nights. For years and years we have driven past "Glasgows" and were perplexed. Tiny, run down, hole in the wall...yet the parking lot was full of expensive cars. Drug dealers or the best kept secret in town? Very rarely did we ever pass without commenting on how curious we were.

Last night, Tommy T and I decided that it was time to get answers. We pulled up and there were only redneck cars in the parking lot. Hmmm? The sign advertised "Mexican and American". Hmmm?

We entered to find dark, wood paneled walls. The carpet (yes, carpet) was red. There were vinyl booths available - or tables with fabric tablecloths...complete with paper place mats. The people occupying those tables and booths matched the cars in the parking lot. Hmmmm?

As we were seated by the 15 year old in a push-up bra, we were quick to notice that every waitress was bitter. They had long hair that almost reached their voluptuous bickies....and scowls on their faces you couldn't imagine.

The menu bragged "Family owned and operated since 1964". We got excited...knowing that SOMETHING had to be good about this place if it was going to stay open for 40+ years!

We ordered.

Tommy T: One Taco and the Steakburger (he wanted both the American and Mexican)
Me: "The El Paso " (in honor of where we met)....Taco, Enchilada, Tamale

The chips and salsa came...eventually. I received third degree burns to my throat. Note to Glasgows....pureed tomatoes soaking in hot sauce is NOT salsa. The chips were the king you get in the big brown bag at Walmart.

Tom's salad came. We shared it. Not bad...minus the package of Ranch they brought. Never a good sign when restaurants bring you a "packet" of Kraft.

Then came the tacos. Yes...those come separate. Two bites. One to taste. The second, only to confirm that we were grossed out. Tom took a third bite just to confirm the flavor. "That's Hormel out of a can", he said as he tossed his taco back on his plate.

Our dinners came. His consisted of a huge beef patty- wrapped in a piece of bacon fat...french fries...and a cup of canned peas.

Mine: Rice, Beans, and a pile of lettuce and tomatoes. The rest of the tamale and enchilada were hiding under it.

Tom peeled that fatty bacon off the burger and took a bite. He grimaced as he gulped. The second bite didn't make it down his throat....it was spit out into a napkin. The fries...were fries. Nothing traumatic.

I ate my rice, which was fine. The enchilada was also Hormel, stuffed. Only a bite. The tamale was a beast. The ground corn exterior was about 3/4 of an inch thick....with a polka dot of meat filling. One bite for me. I swallowed it without fanfare just so I could trick Tom into tasting it. He gagged and said (very loudly) "They got this stuff from the school district!"

I could NOT control myself. I believe I was even snorting, as I laughed. The ironic part was that the waitresses ALL looked like the angry lunch ladies I knew as a child...minus the hair nets, which they could have used.

The peas stared at Tom. He was determined to experience the entire meal. He took a spoonful into his mouth as a look of panic rushed across his face. He wasn't joking or being melodramatic. He was going. to. vomit. He swallowed them in fear that any "spitting motion" could trigger a "vomituous" explosion all over the velvety carpet. He leaned back in his chair...not laughing...but with a look of honest nausea on his face. He said that his stomach was still knotted up.

He DEMANDED that I try them. "NO!!!!", I protested. "You HAVE to try them to know what I just went through. It's YOE! You HAVE to try them!"

I took "ah" pea out of his bowl. The peas were fat and bloated and pale green. As I bit into the luke warm pea....it imploded in my mouth. I don't have to document the flavor....we have all experienced a canned pea.....BUT THE TEXTURE!!! OMG. It was like ONE pea contained a TABLESPOON of luke warm sludge. Tom EASILY had to have had 1/3 C. in his mouth from an entire spoonful.

ONE PEA and I had a simultaneous flash of expired baby food and nursing home smoothies.

We laughed ourselves out of the restaurant and solved the mystery of why there were no nice cars there. Glasgows sits right next to the Doubletree...where the business travelers stay during the week. The business travelers who have nice cars....who are tired...and see a restaurant next door...an innocently go - only to experience what we did.

We were there on a Friday night....they had all gone home. Only the "locals" were left.

After that we headed to the driving range and both hit a bucket of balls. It was great to go again...it had been years. Tons of fun...and I didn't do too bad. Better than my friend "Nacho", I'm sure :)

I love YOE nights. If we had gone to Red Robin...we would never have remembered last night....but thanks to the peas and balls....we will NEVER forget.

(why will Blogger not let me un-bold?)

Evolution

This MIGHT make a believer out of me.

(notice McDonald's bag...the root cause of
every dimpled butt in America)

Anyone up for a boycott?

Draw Nearer

Little Bear Cubs,
A couple of weeks ago I went to Kansas City with Courtney for a little girls weekend. We had a nice hotel room...appointments made at the spa...and tickets to go see Glenn Beck. As you know, I love him....Hannity, Rush....the whole gang. I was so excited to go see him in person - but as it drew closer I felt more hesitant about going. Courtney and I discussed it and even prayed about it - wanting to know the Lord's will for us and what would be best. We both received the answer that it wasn't what our spirits needed at that point. We chose not to go. Some would say we "wasted" our money - but perhaps it was a price worth paying - in order to pass the test of heeding the promptings of the spirit.

Anyway, I have decided since then that I need to consider all forms of my "entertainment" and seek things out that are going to lift me...and maybe cut back on the things that cause me anxiety, worry, and anger.

Joseph F. Smith said:
"The leaders of the people should never disseminate a spirit of gloom in the hearts of the people. If men standing in high places sometimes feel the weight and anxiety of momentous times, they should be all the firmer and all the more resolute in those convictions which come from a God-fearing conscience and pure lives....It is a matter of the greatest importance that the people be educated to appreciate and cultivate the bright side of life rather than to permit its darkness and shadows to hover over them."

Jesus, despite the countless challenges he faced, always counseled his followers to "be of good cheer" (Matthew 14:27)

In the words of Will Durant.....historian and philosopher..... in order to find happiness amidst the turmoil in life....discernment is crucial. He emphasized the need for perspective when he said, "Know that the little things are little, and the big things big, before it is too late; we want to see things now as they will seem forever - in the light of eternity."

I will be making a greater effort to embrace this perspective....choosing to walk in the light and hope of Christ....recognizing things for what they really are....always remembering that you, little bear cubs, are the big things in life.

I love you more than every Conservative talk show host in the world....times ten zillion,

The Mama Bear

The Great Escape

A Mother's Love from sarah allred on Vimeo.

35

Yesterday I was the birthday girl.
35.
Weird.

You see...ever since I turned 15 -
I haven't stopped feeling (or acting) like I was 15.

I am blessed with a husband who not only understands this...but takes great pleasure in helping me feel young.

On the morning of my birthday, I slept in and was awakened by Tommy T and the little bear cubs....bringing me breakfast in bed.


I loved it.
Tommy T is a gifted egg cooker.

There was a lot of love in that breakfast.

He then told me to throw on a bra and some flip flops.
I was concerned where he was taking me - fresh out of bed.

He covered my eyes and took me outside to the driveway.
He uncovered them and I was shocked to find two of these:

One in black...one in red.

The average 35 year old woman would think, "What in the hell?"
Not I.

My mind instantly flashed to the conversation I had with Tom - where I told him that I would LOVE to have scooters to take to Eureka Springs....to ride around the neighborhood together...just to have fun on.
You know... typical thought process of a 35 year old going on 16.

Well- he made my dream come true.


We are now the proud owners of 2009 Honda Ruckus scooters.
Words canNOT express how thrilled I am to have a scooter that is named "Ruckus".
That quite possibly is the BEST word in the English language.
"Ruckus".

We were racing them around the hood when Maren showed up with fresh whole wheat bread and homemade strawberry jam.
I love this woman.
She could not resist the beckoning call of the Ruckus and she succumbed.


Her inhibitions were tossed to the wind. She felt unruly and free. For a moment I was afraid she was going to take her bra off...but she conquered the impulse.

Tommy T had arranged for Uncle John to come babysit the kids while we took our scooters to lunch on the square. The ruckus also beckoned to John....and before he knew it - he was zipping around the neighborhood. The Ruckus drew perfect posture out of him. He was a masterpiece.


Anyway, Tom and I drove to the square. Yes....I drove this thing in real traffic...laughing my butt off the entire time.

We enjoyed lunch outdoors at the Table Mesa.
Our lunch conversation was dominated by the debate of whether of not we were officially members of the motorcycle club - and whether or not they would wave at US...like they do each other.

Tom was QUICK to tell me how Pete (a "real" biker from work) was humiliated by the thought of a scooter and that we shouldn't wave at the real bikers...we would only be rejected.

Well, as fate would have it....on the way home...I came to a stop sign where a Honda Goldwing was parked. A "real" motorcycle. The female owner looked at me and I quickly threw down a biker wave at her. Not just the flash of a hand...this was an intentional, forceful, borderline jazz hands wave.

She stared at me with disgust and did NOT wave back.
Tom was about 15 feet behind me and I could hear him wailing with laughter. We laughed the entire way home...almost to the point of it being a safety hazard.

Courtney came by that afternoon with a gorgeous photo album completely filled with pictures I had taken. She had "stolen" them off my computer during babysitting visits. It was precious to me - the time she took to do that for me. I love her.

My mom stopped by with a gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond (my fav!)...and one of the sweetest birthday cards I have ever received. Josie and Bart came over to hang a bit later...when we all decided to head to the pool.

In rebellion of turning 35 - I went down the water slide and did fancy dives off the diving boards...with all of the other children. Not only did I do a dive....I prefaced it with gymnastic hands that are commonly seen at the beginning of an Olympic floor routine. The crowd of 8 year olds was mesmerized by my skillz.

I came home to find my bicycle...not to be confuse with my Ruckus...sitting in the driveway with bows on it. He had new tires put on it....after an unfortunate blow out the other day. Word on the street is you shouldn't mount a bike that has been hanging in your garage for 5 years. Apparently the rubber erodes. You fill tires...mount bike...and then the neighbors come running outside when they hear a shotgun blast. They scream, "What happened?" and you get the pleasure of explaining that you just sat on your bike and exploded a tire.
Great for the self esteem.

I also found these:
My sweet friend Katie had brought them by when I was gone.
I love her, too.

Tom grilled burgers for dinner and then presneted me wtih my cake from my favorite cake shop. It was chocolate - strawberry filled.

I love that he even makes birthday cake meaningful.

I opened my cards.....best I had ever received.

We tucked the kids in - sitter arrived- and we headed to the movies with friends (Anne, Katie and Norman, Courtney and Todd, Kasey and Jimmie, Josie and Bart)

Land of the Lost.
An artistic masterpiece. Okay, not really.

It couldn't have been a better birthday.
Who knew turning 35 could be so fun?

Thank you Tom...for knowing me...and loving me...so perfectly.

Cry Me a River

Today was a wet Sunday. There was no rain...just a bunch of tears....theirs AND mine.

I took some time away this weekend for a little spa retreat with Courtney. I needed some peace...tranquility...and black out curtains. It was heavenly. Some good rest and recovery took place.

All good things must come to an end, I suppose.

One example of our Sunday Cryfest......

"Whaaaaaaaaa Whaaaaaaaa Whaaaaaaaaaaa", hollered Bradley.

"What's wrong now?", I asked...close to tears myself.

"Dawah won't smell my armpit!!!!" (whaaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaa)

OMG. Get me out of here.
I'm about to go Marie Osmond.

A New Low

I have been sick....just for a month...no big deal. I tried an antibiotic...didn't dent it.
Went back....pneumonia.

It's delicious. I love it.

I headed to Walmart with Bradley and Bryce to pick up my prescription de jour...and let's just say I was not looking my finest. Workout clothes that appeared they had been "worked out in"... though stuffed with a body that ruled out that theory. Slicked back (not with water) ponytail....dark circles under my eyes (partly from being sick for 30 days and partly from mascara residue). Dry, peeling nose from being blown too much....greasy forehead from sweating over the simplest of tasks. No jewelry. No makeup (not counting the mascara residue). I looked EXACTLY how I felt.

I quickly picked up my $30 prescription (that I later threw away when I researched and found out it causes your tendons to explode)...and grabbed a few items to keep us alive for the next 48 hours. The boys were starving so I opened up goldfish crackers and fruit roll ups for them to keep them busy...and quiet.

I loaded everything on the belt and endured the dirty look from the cashier as she "beeped" my opened products. I dug through my purse looking for my checkbook....yes, I still use checks...and it was gone. I realized that I left it on the counter this morning after I paid the termite inspector....while I was bra-less, by the way.

I continued to rifle through my purse...praying there would miraculously be a stray check laying around. (I am sure the checker thought I was looking for my food stamps). She was finished beeping and was staring at me. The time had come to tell her.

"Um....I am so sorry but...." ..... just then Bradley started poking my leg yelling, "Mommy, Mommy!"

"What Boo?", I asked in annoyance.

"YOU SMELL LIKE A DIRTY HOT DOG!"

Bad timing Bradley. Bad, bad timing.

The checker didn't crack a grin. I continued, "I am so sorry but I left my checkbook at home. Can you hold these and I will be back in ten minutes?"

I could see the wheels turning in her head.

Greasy woman + children + no wedding band + eaten groceries + "no checks" = vagabond single mother trying to feed children without shoplifting and she is NOT coming back with a check.

As soon as I got in the car Boo continued to tell me I smelled like a dirty hot dog. I smelled my shirt and didn't smell a thing. THEN I blew my nose. THEN the smell slapped me across the face and left a mark. I was wearing a Tshirt that had been violated by a mildewed load of laundry that had gone neglected while sick.

Everyone in Walmart HAD to have smelled it.

I came back with my checkbook. She looked shocked....but at least she didn't ask me for my ID.
I still have a teensey bit of dignity.

Pray for me.