Tiny B Turned 2

 

September 30th, we celebrated the 2nd anniversary of his entrance into this world. We decided a truck/car themed party would be appropriate due to his infatuation with them.

 

Tonka Truck Cake….and that is a load of dirt to the left…not manure.

 

His youngest cousin, “Addibell” was invited in order to make Bryce feel older. She thought it appropriate to blow two bubbles for Brycer. One for each year. It was her way  of wishing him a Happy Birthday…since Bryce is no longer fluent in babble.

Bryce was concerned to see that his truck was on fire.

Not amused.

He tried to rescue his truck by grabbing the fire. Dad grabbed him…and then he was really annoyed.

 

Bradley showed maturity and wisdom as he corrected Uncle John and told him that it wasn’t Barrack Obama driving the Fisher Price bus, as John had once thought. He was disappointed. That’s why he bought him the gift.

By the way, the drivers name is Michael. Anyone who loves Aaron Neville knows thaaaat.

Aunt Josie and Uncle Bart gave him the sweetest gift certificates…for fun dates out with each of them.

He loves them…especially Dave…even though he performed a full body slam on Bryce a few weeks ago. Seriously. It was incredible.

  

(the red eyes are to emphasize his super-human powers)

Grandma and Grandpa joined in the festivities…they came bearing a little laptop…so he could make a spreadsheet of his automotive inventory.

He was showered with other gifts like the Chicco Ducati  motorcycle race track…so cool. Has two remote controls and the motorcycles race! Maybe this gift was more for me than him :)

Cars, trucks, school buses, emergency vehicles…you get the picture. Bryce was patient as Bradley opened all of his presents.

 

A wooden parking garage with an elevator, car wash and gas station…also for me :)

I don’t know where I get it from….

It was vehicular heaven.

Once the sugar kicked in from the cake…Bryce decided it was time to wrap things up before the po-po showed up. He thanked everyone for a lovely evening, walked them to the door, and retired to his quarters for the  night. He blew me a kiss as I turned out the light.

The next morning I awoke to angry shrieks,

“MAMA! HEY! MAMA!”.

He blazed a hellish path that day… that he has trodden every…day…since.

 He IS 2.

Pity?

Tom’s father repeatedly told him from a young age, 

 “I pity the woman who marries you someday.”

What? How could this be?

Pity the woman who is the recipient of his endless thoughtfulness?

Pity all of the help she gets around the house?

Pity having to look into those sparkling blue eyes every day?

Pity what a great father he is?

What on earth could there be to pity about being married to Tommy T?

Well, through the years, I have unlocked the mystery. 

Tom is a gifted “artist”. He is a Picasso.  

With a few brushstrokes of his colon, he violently plasters his air canvas with all manner of unrefined muck.

Tom is a musician. He is a Mozart.

 He can instantaneously mix the deep boom of a bass drum with the rat-tat-tat of a trumpet.

Cymbals clash with the sudden, long lull of the tuba.

All with one colon. 

All with one breath. 

All while maintaining eye contact. 

Without even a wince.

Tom is a magician. He is a David Copperfield

(except he pulls his own finger – instead of a rabbit out of a hat).

You see...when he is around his “refined” mother – he can make all of his disgusting  urges DISAPPEAR!!

That’s  Incredible!!! 

Tom is an Amnesic ventriloquist! He is Charlie Mccarthy.

 

He can rudely pass gas…be called on it (by me)…

and he INSTANTLY loses all memory of the act!

“Did I do that?”, he innocently asks.”No….that was Bryce”.  

Tom is a Super Hero. He is Captain Thunderpants. 

One of his employees at work placed a personalized can of  the Lysol Spray on his desk…hoping he would use it often…preventing other employees from having to take a “death breath” as they walked unsuspectingly into his office. 

“Triple S disinfectant”, it reads.
“Schmelly Schlot Spray”

Well, I have established the background to continue with the story.

As you know, (or if you don’t click here) I am a sleep talker/walker.

Last night I was sleeping as Tom “erupted” into one of the most incredible masterpieces of all times.

It was so violent – it jolted me from my sleep and I didn’t have time to get my bearings.

It sounded as if his colon was going through a vomituous exorcism.

“WHO VOMITED?!!! WHO VOMITED?!!!”, I screamed as I frantically brushed the invisible vomit off the bed. “WHO VOMITED”?!!!

Tom lay on the bed writhing about in laughter…shocked at his own masterpiece….

gratified and flattered that it sounded EXACTLY like someone vomiting on our bed.

He laughed himself to sleep, pleased with his newest title...  

Tom is an impersonator.

I understand now Grandpa. I understand. 

Good thing I love him.

 

They come in 3’s

Yes, I have established the fact that I magnetize  weird/awkward/freakish moments to myself.  I have come to accept and expect it.  It took blogging to come to realize that the frequency of these “moments” occurring is rather elevated compared to the general public. I am  special.
Though these are everyday occurrences that I usually just chuckle about with a friend on the phone…I have decided to start  documenting them in case one of my children inherited my freak magnet gene and feel alone in it. You are not alone little bear cub….read on.
The following situations happened in the past  couple days:

McDonalds Drive Thru: I took the boys for a quick breakfast  on our way to run other errands. At the drive-thru window there was a scrawny, disheveled, “meth-mouth”, middle aged woman. I gave her my money and before I drove to the next window, the following conversation occurred.

Her: “Hey…do you know how I can gain weight?”
Me: (thinking to myself…doesn’t this idiot know NOT to ask someone who is overweight how to gain weight? Especially when they are parked in the drive thru?) 
I emerged from my internal dialogue and said, “Well, you could eat McDonald’s breakfast every day.”
Her: “I DO! PLUS I eat a McChicken AND a 6 piece every day for lunch and I STILL can’t gain weight!”
Me: (feeling brave) “I don’t know if you have ever messed with drugs or not - but I know Meth will make you drop lots of weight – no matter what you eat.”
Her: Well my doctor thinks it’s because of my worms.
Me: Wow.

I quickly proceeded to the next window to retrieve the bag that the worker was dangling out the window …. grabbed it… immediately dropped it on the ground and kept driving. Bradley started crying and screaming – so I was forced to tell him what worms were and where her worms were emerging from.
He was healed of his pain. Instantly.
Wow. Wow.

Wal-mart Checker: I was picking up a few items with Bradley and Bryce. I chose her line. She looked like a nice lady.
Checker: YOU have baby’s …let me ask you a question.
Me: Sure!
Checker: I have some puppies and my cat got up on em and sprayed all over their faces. Will baby wipes get that out of their hair?
Me: Ummm…I wouldn’t think so. But I haven't had to clean cat urine  off  the face of my child, either. I think you will have to give them a bath.
Checker: They won’t like that on bit.
Me: They have a choice…smell like cat urine or endure a bath.
Checker: I’m gonna try some of that “skunk off” spray first.
Me: It was a cat…not a skunk.
Checker: (continued rambling I don’t recall that continued even while I was pushing the cart away).
BRADLEY: Why did the cat pee on the puppy’s faces?

The following story is not about a freak. Well, I suppose I was the freak that started this exchange.

Chick-Fil-A: Courtney and I went to get sodas in the drive-thru. The boy working there opened the window and our car was flooded with the scent of cologne. It smelled REALLY good. Courtney and I decided we needed to know what it was so I asked.
Me: “What cologne are you wearing? That smells really good!”
Him: (awkwardly shifting – like he didn’t want to tell me) Umm… it’s called “Bod”.
Me: (unable to control my mouth due to the repetitive commercials on TV that had brainwashed me..I said…) “HAWT BAWD!”
Him: (red faced, chuckling nervously) Yeah.
I went back yesterday for a soda and he was working again. I think our exchange had boosted his confidence because this time he was wearing at LEAST twice as much “Bod”.
Me: Hey Bod - hope I didn’t embarrass you the other day. It just smelled good and my friend and I were just curious what kind it was.
Him: No, not at all. I take hygiene very seriously and I think it’s important  to always smell good.
He did. Maybe a bit too much. My soda tasted like Bod.

Celebrating Fall

 

The leaves are beginning to fall...cool air has arrived...and the kids are beginning to ask for Hot Chocolate again.

I LOVE this time of year. 

Tonight our family decided that tomorrow is the day we need to start busting out the Halloween decorations. The kids were bouncing off the walls with excitement. 

So…in honor of the change of seasons - I have decided to devote this week’s menu to homemade soups/breads. I will try and post pics and recipes each night on my recipe blog for your pleasure….that’s right, pleasure :)

I LOVED having all of you post your menus last time…and would be so excited if you would do it again…and feel free to share any soup recipes that you love.

So here it is….drum roll, please….

Monday: Baked Potato Soup & Crescent Rolls

Tuesday: Mexican Chicken Chowder & homemade tortillas

Wednesday: Chili & Sweet Cornbread

Thursday: Ham Split Pea Soup & Amish Bread

Friday: Butternut Squash Bisque & French Baguette

Saturday: Out on a hot date  - strike that…Tomato Soup &  Grilled Cheese Panini

Sunday: Chicken Noodle Soup & Biscuits

Bon Appétit! (translation: “Good Ape Breast”)

Rugby Or Glee? You Tell Me.

Tom has always been tolerant of Bradley wanting to be like his big sister. 

When Boo was 2 - he would run around wearing Karah's headbands.

When he was 3 he could be spotted riding his scooter in Karah's "Hello Kitty" tutu.

On occasion, he would be seen wearing a princess costume at a neighborhood tea party

and on hot summer days you could find him in the front yard - doing somersaults in a leotard.

Tom's never been like some paranoid fathers who freak out if their son likes to play with dolls

or want their toes painted, too.

I have always loved this about him them.

It had been several months since Boo had shown any interest in girlie stuff.

He had fully embraced "boy world"...  

until Karah recently invited a friend over to play  
"gymnastic dancers".

The boys wanted to join in so badly...so I let them.

.  

Tom came home from work in the middle of it...

shocked to see that "the stage" hadn't completely passed yet. 

Watch and Enjoy.

Just like big sister from sarah allred on Vimeo.

Tonight we were watching Rugby and I said,

"Boo would be an awesome Rugby player...that kid is so solid."

 Tom replied...."I just hope he doesn't grow up to be a glee kicker".

I nearly laughed until I peed.

You MUST watch the entire video to understand.

Best 3 minutes of your day...guaranteed.

One final LOL....

GLEE - Single Ladies from Kath on Vimeo.

Trotting Hore

I recently stumbled upon an old journal of Karah's and was highly amused by the entry.
Thought I would immortalize it forever.

One of my favorite things...

Is there anything better than a parade?

Seriously.
Is there anything better?

I adore parades...the excitement in the air...the sound of the drums drawing nearer in the distance...beauty queens in convertibles ...candy flying...music...and happy people everywhere.

I just love parades.

Saturday morning we headed to the square for the County Fair Parade.

The first thing we spotted was the token wiener dog.
Every parade has one.

This one had a magnificent arch.

One of the highlights was the matching father/son overalls..

.

I imagined the father whispering...
"You see that beauty queen sitting on the back of that there sports car?
Don't mind the likes of her one bit.
You find yourself a good woman like your mama.
You need someone who can make some good vittles...
and that girl aint seen vittles in a loooong time."

It made me happy to see them in their outfits together. It was so cute.

Every parade comes equipped with a grumpy Shriner....

...and a stud Shriner.

Another common sighting at a curb sitting parade is "coin slots".
This time I spotted a half-dollar slot!!! Bonus!

The climax of my morning was making eye contact with the "conductor" of the band.
(What is the real name for that, anyway?)
I made eye contact with him and we were having a stare off.
I pulled out the camera and he got nervous...but still couldn't look away.

I finally won the stare down when I made him twitch.

I think he thought I was stalking him...but in truth I was only admiring his ability to walk backwards the entire length of the parade.

How do they do it???

My favorite part of any parade is watching the excitement/concern on my kid's faces.

The best part of any parade is laughing with Tom.

Laughter is one thing our marriage has never lacked.

After the parade we perused the farmers market on the square.

I walked away with jam, salsa, zucchini, and butternut squash.

The kids scored snow cones...rainbow...not organic.

I was tempted to pay this lady for a massage...



Until I noticed she was doing "husband massage"...you know that kind...
where he rubs you in one spot until a vertebrae is exposed or a commercial comes on...whichever happens first.

We also saw the characters of Beauty and the Beast...a local play that is showing.
This guy was my favorite.



He had a "quiet dignity" about him.

We then headed home to enjoy the rest of our Saturday...bags of produce in hand... and smiles hidden behind the snow cones.

p.s. If you liked this post...