They come in 3’s

Yes, I have established the fact that I magnetize  weird/awkward/freakish moments to myself.  I have come to accept and expect it.  It took blogging to come to realize that the frequency of these “moments” occurring is rather elevated compared to the general public. I am  special.
Though these are everyday occurrences that I usually just chuckle about with a friend on the phone…I have decided to start  documenting them in case one of my children inherited my freak magnet gene and feel alone in it. You are not alone little bear cub….read on.
The following situations happened in the past  couple days:

McDonalds Drive Thru: I took the boys for a quick breakfast  on our way to run other errands. At the drive-thru window there was a scrawny, disheveled, “meth-mouth”, middle aged woman. I gave her my money and before I drove to the next window, the following conversation occurred.

Her: “Hey…do you know how I can gain weight?”
Me: (thinking to myself…doesn’t this idiot know NOT to ask someone who is overweight how to gain weight? Especially when they are parked in the drive thru?) 
I emerged from my internal dialogue and said, “Well, you could eat McDonald’s breakfast every day.”
Her: “I DO! PLUS I eat a McChicken AND a 6 piece every day for lunch and I STILL can’t gain weight!”
Me: (feeling brave) “I don’t know if you have ever messed with drugs or not - but I know Meth will make you drop lots of weight – no matter what you eat.”
Her: Well my doctor thinks it’s because of my worms.
Me: Wow.

I quickly proceeded to the next window to retrieve the bag that the worker was dangling out the window …. grabbed it… immediately dropped it on the ground and kept driving. Bradley started crying and screaming – so I was forced to tell him what worms were and where her worms were emerging from.
He was healed of his pain. Instantly.
Wow. Wow.

Wal-mart Checker: I was picking up a few items with Bradley and Bryce. I chose her line. She looked like a nice lady.
Checker: YOU have baby’s …let me ask you a question.
Me: Sure!
Checker: I have some puppies and my cat got up on em and sprayed all over their faces. Will baby wipes get that out of their hair?
Me: Ummm…I wouldn’t think so. But I haven't had to clean cat urine  off  the face of my child, either. I think you will have to give them a bath.
Checker: They won’t like that on bit.
Me: They have a choice…smell like cat urine or endure a bath.
Checker: I’m gonna try some of that “skunk off” spray first.
Me: It was a cat…not a skunk.
Checker: (continued rambling I don’t recall that continued even while I was pushing the cart away).
BRADLEY: Why did the cat pee on the puppy’s faces?

The following story is not about a freak. Well, I suppose I was the freak that started this exchange.

Chick-Fil-A: Courtney and I went to get sodas in the drive-thru. The boy working there opened the window and our car was flooded with the scent of cologne. It smelled REALLY good. Courtney and I decided we needed to know what it was so I asked.
Me: “What cologne are you wearing? That smells really good!”
Him: (awkwardly shifting – like he didn’t want to tell me) Umm… it’s called “Bod”.
Me: (unable to control my mouth due to the repetitive commercials on TV that had brainwashed me..I said…) “HAWT BAWD!”
Him: (red faced, chuckling nervously) Yeah.
I went back yesterday for a soda and he was working again. I think our exchange had boosted his confidence because this time he was wearing at LEAST twice as much “Bod”.
Me: Hey Bod - hope I didn’t embarrass you the other day. It just smelled good and my friend and I were just curious what kind it was.
Him: No, not at all. I take hygiene very seriously and I think it’s important  to always smell good.
He did. Maybe a bit too much. My soda tasted like Bod.