Tuesday, March 2, 2010

More Than One Way to Skin a Cat



A clarification. I did not send Karah to a 1 hour time out.

Tom and I try to use natural consequences as much as possible. When time-outs are needed we generally follow the 1 minute/years of age rule. When it's not a "behavior" issue - but more of an "attitude" issue - we send them to their room and tell them they can come out when they calm down and are ready to "be nice"... for a lack of a better term.

Translated..."Chill...decompress...let the anger go...and come out when you have exhaled the demon and inhaled the angel."

This particular incidence, it took Karah an hour before she wanted to come out. Some may think I should have kept calling to her- asking if she was ready to come out yet and say "sorry". I disagree with this. If I am the one decompressing - I wouldn't want someone constantly asking if I'm ready to come out yet. She was in her room - drawing, writing poetry, and composing my awesome poo letter :) She needed to come out when she felt ready.

I don't want my kids to have forced apologies. I don't want a timer to buzz and then tell them it's time to come out and "be sorry". I want them to be able to chill - think - calm themselves down-and actually feel sorry.

I, of all people, know there is more than one way to skin a cat (though I promise I have never tried it, personally). I also know every child is different and requires their own unique approach.

I recently a discovered a man who has changed my parenting philosophy. His name is Hal Runkel. He is a LMFT and a parenting coach. He wrote a book called, "Scream Free Parenting". It's excellent.

Click here to watch a clip about his Scream Free philosophy.

What's your take??? How do you skin YOUR cat?

1 comment:

  1. I've done the time out with a minute per year, until they reach around 7ish. Then they get grounded to their room for 10 minutes per offense. You have made me think though- I would love to see them actually be sorry when it's time for them to come out!

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