Saturday, April 4, 2009

Gunther's Day Out...A Childhood Favorite

There once was a dog named "Gunther".
He wasn't like all of the other dogs.
He didn't smell as pretty as the other dogs.
He didn't look as pretty as the other dogs.
He didn't act like a normal dog.
And he only had three functioning legs.
He was special...at least that's what his owners told him.

Whenever Gunther wanted to go out in public- his owners said, "Special dogs stay home."

One day, between sessions of General Conference.....his owners decided
that he had lived in isolation long enough.
It was time for Gunther's debut.
Yes, he had been alive for 8 years....but it still counted as a "debut".

Gunther and his family ventured out to the Easter Egg Hunt at the Dog park.
His owners made him go potty before his big day out...because they knew how Gunther LOVES to poop on sidewalks, driveways, and anywhere without grass.

When they arrived at the dog park - he pooped some more...
...in the parking lot....right next to someone's car.

Gunther only weighs 7 pounds....but the owners little girl brought along a 55 gallon trash bag for the doggy doo-doo. His owners were going to look "responsible" and pick up after him.

The problem was - this doo-doo was a "neurotic - anxiety attack doo-doo". It was too wet to pick up....so his owner said, "Just step on it and try to rub it into the ground." The owners wife dry heaved.

Gunther wasn't like the other dogs. Gunther didn't know how to do deep breathing and relaxation exercises. When Gunther was nervous or excited - he would snort like a pig and hack like he was choking on a hair ball.

The owners entered the dog park - with Gunther snorting like a pig. "Where is the wart hog?", the public wondered as they all looked around to see where the noise was coming from.

One lady actually stopped chewing her hot dog. She was disgusted. She glared at the little pup. She approached the mama owner and said, "You know why he's doing that, don't you?"

"Why?", she responded.

"He's being choked by his collar. He needs a harness."

"Really?", the mama owner replied...
"Then why does he do that when he's not even wearing a collar?"

The know it all had no response. She didn't understand that Gunther is "special".

Gunther looked around and quickly realized that he was out of place.
The other dogs were fancy.
Well groomed.


The upper crust of the doggie world.
There was ONE dog that looked like he MIGHT be Gunther's caliber...
But he was well behaved.

Gunther continued to snort and hack.
Another woman approached the owners with a wet wipe.
"Here! Looks like you need this!", she exclaimed.

The mama owner looked at her children to see which one had a snotty nose.
None...they were all fresh as could be.

The woman then said with disgust, "It's for your dog....he's....foaming."

Sure enough...he WAS foaming.
The mama owner had to act like she was concerned and "loved" the dog- and wiped the hot foam from his furry, little lips. She wadded up the wipe and placed it in the basket of the stroller....(where the sippy cups and snacks usually reside).

The public was VERY concerned about Gunther....but didn't bother to tell the owners that their baby was gnawing on a dog biscuit "cookie".The owners took Gunther to the agility course...to boost his confidence.

As it turns out...Gunther didn't know how to jump.

He had to be coaxed through the tunnel...

He lacked the brain power to walk in a semi-circle....
But he DID have excellent balance...for three legs.
Right about the time he was feeling good about himself....a woman approached the owners and asked them if they had paid $5 to use the course.

"No", they replied...."we thought it was free."

"It's not", she said.

The owners took Gunther and left the arena with their children."They kicked us out!", Karah cried out.

The owners decided they had worn out their welcome and decided to leave...but not before Gunther gave one final, super-sonic, hack....as he coughed up one last foam ball.The public didn't know whether to be disgusted with Gunther - or the owners - for taking a picture of it.

When they arrived back at the car...Karah was so sad and dejected. Practically in tears.

"What's wrong?", the mama owner asked."Why can't Gunther be like the other dogs? He can't do anything!
All he can do is snort and foam!"

The daddy answered...."That's what makes him unique. It's what makes him so special."

Gunther rode home quietly. He had given every snort and slobber he had to give. He was done.. exhausted from his big day out.

He rode home realizing that he would never be like the other dogs. He would never fit in....but he was at peace. He knew he was loved in his own "little way"....and that was okay.


2 comments:

  1. i love that gunther pup from his frothing foam-ridden chin all the way to his encrusted dingleberry covered bickies.

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  2. Gunther is best in FRIGGIN show. He's a Champion. Why don't you blog about his degenerate 4th leg and why it looks like a huge hairy buffalo wing without the sauce?

    Gunther is the Chuck Norris of the animal kingdom. His little doggie tears cure cancer. It's a shame he has never cried. Gunther doesn't sleep...he waits.

    I'm gonna train Gunther to pwn those wanna be dogs on ESPN that jump a quater mile off the end of a dock. They have NOTHING on the tripod.

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