Menstruation...from mother to daughter

Dear Karah,

I am menstruating....and I hate it.

When I was a young teenager and started my period, my mom was sure to tell me that tampons would cause toxic shock syndrome and I would die. She then presented me with a foot long, 3 inch thick "maxi"....with wings. There was no being "discreet" in the bathroom as I pulled the super glued backing from the "Kotex".
It was so huge that everyone could see the padding through my jeans. A thick, vertical bulge - from the small of my back to my navel.

I went to a special youth conference...wearing my pale pink, drop waist dress. I was sitting on the back row during testimony meeting. I would be brave and walk to the front pulpit to share my testimony....heart pounding......trying not to waddle - despite the mattress between my legs. I heard people whispering - but thought nothing of it until I arrived at the microphone. Before I could speak - one of the ladies on the stand stood up and whispered in my ear, "Sweetie, you need to check your dress." Horrified. I had to share my testimony in front of all my friends - knowing I had an "accident" - and had just walked up from the BACK row for everyone to see.

I quickly said my piece and rushed to the bathroom to find that the mattress had betrayed me. My "accident" was a ginormous red bulls eye...that NOBODY could have missed.

After testimony meeting there was a dance. I hid in the bathroom while my best friend Renee called my mom to bring me a change of clothes. I heard the music in the gym - I heard the laughter - and I hid under the diaper changing station and cried and cried.

Renee stayed with me under the diaper changing table until my mom came. She didn't leave my side. She didn't mock me. She didn't make me feel bad about myself. She told me it would be alright. She even got me to laugh a little.

I want you to have friends like these....that lift you....and remind you of who you are and what matters.

My clothes arrived....I changed....and I went to the dance. Not one boy asked me to dance.... who wanted to hold hands with bulls eye girl, anyway? I danced with my friends on the fast songs...and stood on the wall during the slow songs.

I was thinking about this today.....the memory came "flooding back" (pardon the pun).
In retrospect, I am still in awe with that 14 year old girl.....I was humiliated....I cried....but I still went and danced. My world didn't end when it easily could have. It was because of what I had been taught - knowing I was loved by the people that mattered - and knowing this too would pass.

When I was about 16, I cut my ankle on the door of the Suburban....badly. I was bleeding everywhere. My mom didn't have any band aids in her purse- but she had one of those pads. She peeled the backing and stuck it to my ankle. I had to walk through the store with an "inside out" maxi pad wrapped to my leg....but I still shopped....I didn't wait in the car.

Your grandma may not have taught me the joys of tampon usage....but she obviously taught me the things that really count. I think of the confidence she had instilled in me....how she always told me what a good girl I was - what I was capable of - how she was so proud of me. She gave me and understanding of who I really was - and what really mattered in life.

Instead of hiding in the car....I was able to enjoy the store (kind of) despite the looks of horror around me....and was even able to laugh about it.

I want to mother you in a way that YOU can come out unscathed from life's yucky moments....head held high...resilient....and still dancing....maybe even chuckling.

I love you, Karah Kinz. I can't WAIT to teach you all about tampons!!

Love,
The Mama Bear