Too Much of a Good Thing

I dream....vividly.
Okay, I actually act out my dreams....with my sleeping body.

Some of the favorites have been:

• Coal Miner. Standing in the corner - mining coal with a pick Axe...trying to save my comrades. (Cause: Miners trapped in coal mine on Fox News before bed)

• Speed Skater. Hunching down and speed skating like Apolo Anton - on the way to the bathroom (cause: Winter Olympic overdose)

• The assault. Let me set the backdrop for this one: I was a young teenager...sleeping in a hotel room with my family...I have a nightmare of an intruder and lay screaming in bed. My brother John stands over me - shaking me - trying to wake me up from my (typical) night terror. My Dad wakes up to find John shaking me while I scream...thinking he is attacking me. He comes from behind to pull John off of me. John thinks that the movement behind him is an intruder in the room - and that is why I'm screaming...so he turns around and punches my dad directly in the chest - knocking him on his bed and leaving him in a heap of wheezing goo. (Cause: The therapist hasn't gotten back to me on this one - but I suspect it has something to do with the unhealthy amount of fear my mother instilled in me as a child.)

A brief sampling: "Don't stick your hand out of the car window like that! A man could be hiding in the bushes with a knife and cut it off!" or another favorite, "A man in our neighborhood dressed up like a UPS man and came after a girl with a knife! Don't answer the door if the UPS man comes!" (I still grab the butcher knife before I answer the door to sign for a package).

Tom once said, "I used to try to wake you up when you would have a night terror...now, I just duck and roll."

• Verbal Abuse. I lose all control over what I say when I am sleeping. Many a night Tom has witnessed me chiding him like a schoolyard bully ..telling him to wipe himself....or accusing him of lying about shutting the garage door, calling him a "lying bastard". (Cause: I'm just TOO nice during the day...)
  

• Lifeguard. I have tried to dive into imaginary pools to save my drowning children. Those pools are always VERY shallow. (Cause: Fox News Drowning story)
  

The list goes on and on.
And last night I added a new one.

• The water slide. Reports are that Tom received an unexpected double handed shove that was forceful enough to leave him hanging off the edge of the bed. A visit to the chiropractor is now in order. I dreamt that I was pushing him down a water slide and he was too big for "the hole" and was wedged. He was heavy and wasn't moving - so I gave him an extra hard push to send him on his way. Apparently, I did. (Cause: Greatwolf Lodge....Too Much of A Good Thing)