YOE Date Night: Peas and Balls

Sometimes for YOE, we venture out to a new restaurant we have always "wondered" about. Last night was one of those nights. For years and years we have driven past "Glasgows" and were perplexed. Tiny, run down, hole in the wall...yet the parking lot was full of expensive cars. Drug dealers or the best kept secret in town? Very rarely did we ever pass without commenting on how curious we were.

Last night, Tommy T and I decided that it was time to get answers. We pulled up and there were only redneck cars in the parking lot. Hmmm? The sign advertised "Mexican and American". Hmmm?

We entered to find dark, wood paneled walls. The carpet (yes, carpet) was red. There were vinyl booths available - or tables with fabric tablecloths...complete with paper place mats. The people occupying those tables and booths matched the cars in the parking lot. Hmmmm?

As we were seated by the 15 year old in a push-up bra, we were quick to notice that every waitress was bitter. They had long hair that almost reached their voluptuous bickies....and scowls on their faces you couldn't imagine.

The menu bragged "Family owned and operated since 1964". We got excited...knowing that SOMETHING had to be good about this place if it was going to stay open for 40+ years!

We ordered.

Tommy T: One Taco and the Steakburger (he wanted both the American and Mexican)
Me: "The El Paso " (in honor of where we met)....Taco, Enchilada, Tamale

The chips and salsa came...eventually. I received third degree burns to my throat. Note to Glasgows....pureed tomatoes soaking in hot sauce is NOT salsa. The chips were the king you get in the big brown bag at Walmart.

Tom's salad came. We shared it. Not bad...minus the package of Ranch they brought. Never a good sign when restaurants bring you a "packet" of Kraft.

Then came the tacos. Yes...those come separate. Two bites. One to taste. The second, only to confirm that we were grossed out. Tom took a third bite just to confirm the flavor. "That's Hormel out of a can", he said as he tossed his taco back on his plate.

Our dinners came. His consisted of a huge beef patty- wrapped in a piece of bacon fat...french fries...and a cup of canned peas.

Mine: Rice, Beans, and a pile of lettuce and tomatoes. The rest of the tamale and enchilada were hiding under it.

Tom peeled that fatty bacon off the burger and took a bite. He grimaced as he gulped. The second bite didn't make it down his throat....it was spit out into a napkin. The fries...were fries. Nothing traumatic.

I ate my rice, which was fine. The enchilada was also Hormel, stuffed. Only a bite. The tamale was a beast. The ground corn exterior was about 3/4 of an inch thick....with a polka dot of meat filling. One bite for me. I swallowed it without fanfare just so I could trick Tom into tasting it. He gagged and said (very loudly) "They got this stuff from the school district!"

I could NOT control myself. I believe I was even snorting, as I laughed. The ironic part was that the waitresses ALL looked like the angry lunch ladies I knew as a child...minus the hair nets, which they could have used.

The peas stared at Tom. He was determined to experience the entire meal. He took a spoonful into his mouth as a look of panic rushed across his face. He wasn't joking or being melodramatic. He was going. to. vomit. He swallowed them in fear that any "spitting motion" could trigger a "vomituous" explosion all over the velvety carpet. He leaned back in his chair...not laughing...but with a look of honest nausea on his face. He said that his stomach was still knotted up.

He DEMANDED that I try them. "NO!!!!", I protested. "You HAVE to try them to know what I just went through. It's YOE! You HAVE to try them!"

I took "ah" pea out of his bowl. The peas were fat and bloated and pale green. As I bit into the luke warm pea....it imploded in my mouth. I don't have to document the flavor....we have all experienced a canned pea.....BUT THE TEXTURE!!! OMG. It was like ONE pea contained a TABLESPOON of luke warm sludge. Tom EASILY had to have had 1/3 C. in his mouth from an entire spoonful.

ONE PEA and I had a simultaneous flash of expired baby food and nursing home smoothies.

We laughed ourselves out of the restaurant and solved the mystery of why there were no nice cars there. Glasgows sits right next to the Doubletree...where the business travelers stay during the week. The business travelers who have nice cars....who are tired...and see a restaurant next door...an innocently go - only to experience what we did.

We were there on a Friday night....they had all gone home. Only the "locals" were left.

After that we headed to the driving range and both hit a bucket of balls. It was great to go again...it had been years. Tons of fun...and I didn't do too bad. Better than my friend "Nacho", I'm sure :)

I love YOE nights. If we had gone to Red Robin...we would never have remembered last night....but thanks to the peas and balls....we will NEVER forget.

(why will Blogger not let me un-bold?)