The Difference

There is a difference. A big difference.

Between what?
A "vacation" and a "trip".

I just got home from a trip.

When you go on a vacation - you need no motivation to pack. It is a pleasure...exciting, even.

A trip? Cussing the entire time...feeling like you are packing the entire house just for a couple of days away. A torturous process of searching for matching shoes...a last minute load of laundry to remedy an unexpected underwear shortage...getting frustrated at the details - such as the need for a sippy cups in the car and remembering your child wears diapers - AFTER the suitcase is full.

When you go on vacation everything falls into place...almost flawlessly.

A trip? The universe is against you. Last minute car maintenance and cleaning is needed the day of the trip. You are well over your miles for an oil change and you somehow don't think the kids will appreciate using the pile of petrified chicken nuggets as an ottoman.

If someone is going to get sick - they do so BEFORE you leave on vacation.

A trip? The child waits until you are AT your destination and then vomit in their car seat. The freshly cleaned minivan now smells of a Parmesan cheese filled day care center.

On vacation - you go out to eat and enjoy the evening with your sweet family.

A trip? Your kids form a coup and revolt against you. They divide and conquer. One crawls under the table...one runs around it...and the other starts yelling "Piehole!" Your expensive meal is delivered and immediately packaged up into carry out containers...the kids scream the entire way back to the hotel.

On vacation - you go somewhere exciting and new.

A trip? Usually the destination is somewhere they are too familiar with. As a child I remember going to visit my grandma and sitting for HOURS - staring up at the glittery popcorn ceiling as we played "slap jack" with an incomplete set of face cards. Walking to the convenience store was the highlight.....candy cigarettes to symbolize our rebellion. Lucky for my children...their grandma doesn't get mad when they pillage through her things and "put on a show". MY grandma would have beat the crap out of me.

On a vacation - the kids show off your great parenting skills.

A trip? The kids go to all lengths to PROVE to your mother in law that you don't know jack about raising kids. They do not listen. They do not obey. They push every limit. They do the opposite of everything they have ever been taught - and act like a bunch of uncontrollable, barnyard animals. No pleases. No thank you's. Lots of talk of body parts and bodily functions. Yelling, hyperactive, bouncing of the walls....little beasts.

Instead of showing her this:

They show her nothing but this:

But she still finds it in her to love...
(though she probably wouldn't mind a little slap)

On vacation - the weather is perfect.

A trip? A snow storm comes through - in MARCH and forces you out of town. You packed for the weather you had expected...shorts, tees, and flip flops - only to look like negligent parents as you take them out in public.....freezing drizzle falling around you - ice cold wind turning your baby's shivering lips, blue.

On vacation - time flies.

A trip? Clocks stop. "Are we there yet" begins in the driveway with a steady 2 minute reverberating pulse for the duration of the trip. The last 90 minutes they amp it up to asking once every minute. Boredom sets in and the parents become the target of their animosity. The whining....the bickering....the kicking of the seats......the having to go to the bathroom out of hopes of scoring a treat at the gas station.

You don't want vacation to end.

A trip? Home has never sounded so sweet. You pile everything back into the suitcases and just want to get the hell out of there. You don't shower the morning you leave. You throw on yesterdays clothes - pull your hair back in a tie - brush your teeth - but leave your mascara raccoon eyes. You don't care if your bra is on. Your pride is gone and you just want to be home.

"THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST VACATION EVER!"
(The phrase Tommy T says at the beginning of every adventure)

On the way home - I had to break it to him.
"They can't all be vacations", I said.

"This was DEFINITELY a TRIP".

Oh, and by the way....Bradley is vomiting now....it's his turn.

This was Spring Break. "Break" from what, exactly?