Behind Closed Doors

Tommy T had to leave town tonight....unexpectedly....the worst kind. He headed to Kansas City (where him mom lives) for a morning meeting at corporate. I had wrapped up our nighttime routine and I was preparing to tuck everyone in. I came to Bradley's room to find the door closed and locked. I knocked and there was no answer. I put my ear to the door and heard soft sobbing into a pillow. He eventually gave into my pleadings and opened the door, only to run back and dive under the covers again. The tears continued as he tried to contain himself enough to answer my question, "Why are you so sad???"

Through his tears, sniffs, and whimpers he answered, "I miss Daddy and it's all his fault!"

"Why is it all his fault?", I asked.

"Because he went to Grandma's! I'm sad and it's all his fault!"

After drying the tears and kissing his injured heart, I went on to finish the dishes. In my loneliness I conjured up a mental conversation with myself and we discussed how crazy it was to see the "Pain and Blame Game" starting at such a young age.

Add to Thursday's "To-Do" list: Teach Bradley that pain in life can't be avoided........but we CAN resist the impulse to blame others for it...that life is happier when you can express pain without blame.

On second thought....maybe I'll bake cookies and teach him how to be an emotional eater. :)

I love that tender hearted little man cub. Oooh. Love him.

Bradley, how I wish I could bubble wrap that little heart of yours. Keep it from ever feeling hurt or pain. I would bubble wrap it and then wrap it in your "twinkle star" blanket, which wards off all trouble. On top of that I would glue marshmallows. The big ones you love. I would then wrap it with the miles of scraps of toilet paper that your baby brother has strewn through our house. And around all of that I would wrap myself - to guard and protect and keep everything painful at bay. But life has more planned for you than existing in painless naivety. Life intends you to feel and struggle and wrestle with the uncomfortable.

"That which causes us trials shall yield us triumph: and that which make our hearts ache shall fill us with gladness. The only true happiness is to learn, to advance, and to improve: which could not happen unless we had commence with error, ignorance, and imperfection. We must pass through the darkness, to reach the light." - Albert Pike

So in the meantime, I will always be here to dry your tears and kiss your heart. I hope that will do.

Love, Mama