Draw Nearer

Little Bear Cubs,

One day you will come to recognize the irony in life. There are so many unexpected twists and turns...flip flops....somersaults.....and surprises. One of these ironies is parents learning from those they are supposed to be teaching.....becoming "giant" students sitting at the feet of the tiny, wise ones. I suppose at one point in my life, I was the little teacher to the big people in my life.....but as life progresses, I am the one who is more and more in need of being instructed by you little ones. I love to watch you play. You don't need anything but each other and this world. Watching you play reminds me of locking hands with my little brothers....spinning and spinning until we could no longer walk a straight line....and then when our focus was being regained, desperately trying to make it disappear again.

We would lay in the grass and look at the clouds...sharing what we "spied in the sky". Cartwheels and back hand springs gone awry....wiffle ball games....keeping a balloon airborne with our feet - trying to keep it from hitting ground....pretending we were mice on the "biggest boat in the world", swimming in an ocean of grass.

I wonder where those days have gone....and the state of heart that accompanied them. I suppose they are buried under piles of laundry, bills, deadlines, and grown up worries.....but just when I think those moments are no longer mine to be had....you teach me and show me that I am wrong.

"Come play!" you call. "I will in a minute.....I need to finish ______", is my usual reply. those minutes often turn into hours and days as I responsibly complete the tasks on my lists and answer any demands that come from other adult "responsibilities" in my life. But then there are the times I see the look in your eye. I see the hoping that THIS will be the time that I am ready "right now" to play.

In those moments it all becomes clear....like a child whose "twirling dizziness" has worn off. It all comes into focus and I see that I am putting things of limited consequence above the little people who offer endless joy. I was recently doing the dishes when it began to rain. It was the perfect thunderless rain.......steady and warm. You were outside and I rushed to call you in - to keep you from getting wet....then I saw that look in your eyes and before I knew it we were dancing in the rain, laying in the street while the water rushed around us, and chasing each other through the soggy grass. We were sad when the storm clouds passed.

"Children teach us how to find joy even under the most challenging circumstances. Children haven't yet learned to be depressed by concentrating on the things they don't have. They find joy in what is available to them." - Richard G. Scott

As I mature, I am learning that I need to stay young with you. There needs to be less checking off of the lists and more dancing in the rain. My laundry will be there forever.....and you will be MINE forever....but you will be little for such a small time.

I need to rush and capture up these moments like the fireflies we catch in the summer. Seal them up and call them mine. Treasure them....lavish in them....lather myself up in the suds of your childhood....soak you up like the sun.....absorb each moment like a thirsty sponge.

I need to stop and touch the wet puppy noses.

I need to eat some leaves ...and chew on a few rocks.

I need to not get so caught up in all that I have to "do" - that I forget what I should "be".

And what is that, little bear cubs? ........Your mama.

Elder M. Russell Ballard said, "There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children...what matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else."

"Above all else". Above callings, chores, friends, responsibilities and "To-Do" lists.

Elder Ballard continued, "We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult... I know something of a mother’s emotions that accompany her commitment to be at home with young children. There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. Sometimes even husbands seem to have no idea of the demands upon their wives."

"Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

So I thank you, little bears. I thank you for what you teach me and the way you gently remind to "come back" to childhood. Come back to your club - and leave everything else behind. It is YOU that matters most. It is YOU I choose.

I love you more than you will ever know.

EVAH!