Fear is an ugly thing. If it had a face, I would imagine it with ruddy skin, eyes far apart, nose bloated, body encased with thorns, mouth gaping... salivating to capture yet another in its powerful, clenched jaws. Yellowed, pointy teeth...daring it's "latest catch" to just try and escape.
This past week I have found myself captured, yet again, by this big, ugly monster. Your Daddy and I are preparing to fly out of state to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.
Though you will be left in safe hands - in the comfort of our home - the little fear goblin has steadily whispered every "what if" imaginable,as he grips me tighter and tighter with his bumpy, little sausage fingers. My excitement has been threatened to be drowned out by my fear.It occurred to me today - that the monster may not be his own master. What if I have the power to command it to release me? Could it be that I don't have to endure the pain and torture of being held captive? Can I cry "Let me go!" and it has to obey?
Virginia H. Pearce asked, "Why is fear part of life? Perhaps our Heavenly Father’s greatest hope is that through our fears we may choose to turn to him. The uncertainties of earth life can help to remind each of us that we are dependent on him. But that reminder is not automatic. It involves our agency. We must choose to take our fears to him, choose to trust him, and choose to allow him to direct us. We must make these choices when what we feel most inclined to do is to rely more and more on our own frantic and often distorted thinking."
The Lord helps us accomplish the seemingly impossible. "Vincent van Gogh, a famous painter, said, 'I am always doing what I can’t do yet in order to learn how to do it.' A large part of conquering daily fear is simply doing things that we don’t know how to do—yet."
Elanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”
I will do the thing I think I cannot do. I will get on the plane and fly across the country. I will go without seeing your faces, I won't smell you, freshly bathed. I won't hear your laughter as you wrestle, and I won't be able to touch you at the end of the day. I WILL still be able to taste you in my mind...sweet, syrupy cheeks....peanut butter hands.....salty tears when you fall....afternoon ice cream kisses....and bedtime bubblegum toothpaste nuzzles goodnight.
I will go and celebrate my love for your Daddy. I do this for him. Me. And I do this for you.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim. 1:7.)
I love you little bear cubs. I will miss you so.
The Mama Bear
Sarah, this actually brought tears to my eyes! I totally relate! I'm a big huge worrier and think of all the many things that "could" happen. I hate that! Neil and I are hoping to go somewhere big for our 15-year anniversary next year, but it scares me to even think about leaving the kids for a week or so, because we've never left them more than 1 night, and only with Grandma & Grandpa. So, you'll have to let me know how you manage. I want to go and have fun and enjoy myself, without worrying the entire time!! By the way...where are you going? Have a wonderful time and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! :)
ReplyDeleteBeen there done that. You are going to do great and you and Tom will be closer than ever! It will be hard. You will cry. Then you will have a blast and feel like newlyweds again. It's awesome! Happy anniversary!!
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