Leprechaun Hostage Negotiations

A St. Patrick's Day Bedtime Story

(warning: therapy may be needed )

I caught him. He was running through my yard. Did he really think he could get away with it?

I saw straight through his pathetic dog costume.
I knew it was him.
I lured him into the house with a piece of uncooked bacon - knowing he would do anything to convince me that he was a dog.

As he snatched the bacon from my hand, I quickly threw a choke collar over his head.
I removed the costume....
and his true identity was revealed.

A real, live, leprechaun...
Upon interrogation his name was found to be
Dwight Liam O'Callahan

He begged for his release...but I made it clear that he would not
be set free until my demands were met.
He resisted.
I then had to unleash my three-legged Yorkie,
"Gunther", on him.

One whiff of Gunther is the equivalent of three days of Guantanamo Water-Boarding.
He quickly complied to my demands.

He put on my apron and got to work.
He turned this:

Into this:

He begged to continue on his trek toward the rainbow...even offering me 30% of his findings.
Rejected.

He then had to take this:

To this:


He tried to escape when I wasn't looking.
I grabbed him by the back of his wet, chubby neck....
as he squirmed and tried to escape.

"You will never get away with this!", he exclaimed.

I placed two fingers over his mouth - and whispered, "Shh Shh Shh ....Dwight, come on now. We don't want to make this more difficult than it has to be."

He sobbed when I made him disinfect this:
(note: picture is POST disinfection)

And turn this:

Into this:

In exasperation he cried out to his Leprechaun King....
"Have you no mercy? Save me from this wretched woman! This house!!!"

Apparently the king was at the St. Patty's Day parade and didn't hear his plea.

I told him we would have a feast - to celebrate his release back amongst the trolls.
(to which he took GREAT offense - as he educated me as to the difference between Leprechauns, trolls, and elfs)

I then broke the news that HE would be the one cooking our dinner.
Bent over in exhaustion, he toiled at the stove....and produced this:

Dwight was even kind enough to write down the recipe for me!

Dwight's Beef & Veggies

1/2 cup sour cream
2 Tbsp. coarse-grain brown mustard
1-1/2 lb. boneless beef rib-eye steak,
1-1/4- to 1-1/2-inch thick
2 Tbsp. cooking oil
4 medium carrots,
peeled
1 large red onion, peeled, cut in wedges
32 oz. chicken broth

1 lb. new potatoes; halve if large
1 lb. packaged fresh spinach

Mix together sour cream and mustard; cover and refrigerate. Heat oven to 170 degrees F. Heat 12-inch skillet over medium-high. Coat beef with1 tablespoon oil; season with salt, pepper, and 1 teaspoon sugar. Brown in hot skillet 4 minutes,turning once. Transfer to platter; set aside.

Add remaining oil, carrots, and onion to skillet. Cook and stir 5 minutes, until browned. Add broth and potatoes; bring to boiling. Reduce heat; cook, covered, 15 minutes, until tender. Return beef to skillet. Simmer, covered, 8 minutes for medium (10 minutes for medium-well).

Reserving broth in skillet, transfer vegetables and beef to oven-safe platter; keep warm. Simmer broth; add spinach. Cook and toss with tongs 3 to 4 minutes.

Serve with mustard sauce. Makes 4 servings.

His "tablescape" was lovely.

Karah was shocked....and approved. "Who did this?", she exclaimed!

"One of Mommy's little elves"...I innocently snickered.

Gunther "watched over" Dwight as we enjoyed our meal.

Bradley disapproved of the amount of Ranch that had been given. He fixed that.

Karah didn't come up for air.

Bryce didn't have an appetite. He was the only one who knew there was a leprechaun locked up in the laundry room, after all. The only witness to my crimes.
All he could do was drink.
For some reason Dwight was EXTREMELY excited to make us these:

Mint Chocolate Chip Leprechaun Shakes
I locked him in the back room until I was ready for him to do the dishes.

Before I knew it, I was waking up on the floor....rubbing my eyes....my children slumbering around me!! He had slipped us some "Gold sleeping dust"!!

There was a note on the table.

"Don't mess with the leprechauns! I am taking your television - but I am leaving your dog...to torture YOU the way you have tortured ME! Hate, Dwight"

He was gone. My Television was gone.
My dishes were still dirty.

Now Tommy T knows what goes down when he is out of town.