He Keeps Coming Back!

Gunther and I have had a strained relationship for about 6 years. Who is Gunther? My three legged Yorkie. Yes... 3 legs. In 2001, I thought I would "surprise" Tommy T with a dog. What did I do? What any person who is uneducated in the dog market would do. I looked in the paper and found a little old lady living in a trailer park who had an adult, dog breeding, meth using, son living with her. I made an appointment to check out the pups in the 100 degree, fly infested trailer. I ignored the happy puppy's and went for the dejected, sick looking one - all out of pity. I put him in the front pocket of my overalls (they were KIND OF still OK to wear at that time) and brought him home to Tommy T.

Had I known what I know now - instead of yelling "Surprise!" I would have said something like this:

"Surprise! I just paid a $200 "deposit" on a dog that we will end up spending thousands of dollars on in medical bills!

• He will give us love for two years and then turn his back on us as soon as we have children.



• He will roll in the grass and poop on the sidewalk.


• His urine will eat the paint off of our deck.



• He will be allergic to every known dog food and suffer chronic ear infections due to his allergies.



• He will poop in your truck every time you take him to the vet because of his anxiety.



• He will eat watermelon and have his face swell up like a balloon.


• He will DEMAND that you rub his chest with your toes -whenever you are in a seated position.


• He will eat a pork chop bone that will puncture his intestines - causing an emergency trip to the vet.



• He will accidentally be drug on a leash behind the back of a bicycle - ripping his leg open.



• We will pay hundreds of dollars to have him treated only to have his tendons fuse together - rendering his use of only three legs.



• He will be banned from all groomers because of his obnoxious yap - and when a grommer finally accepts him - she will put him in a drug induced state.



• He will get worms while we are on vacation.



• He will snort like a pig when he gets excited - until he starts couging and hacking.



• He will snip at our children when he gets older.



• He will always get loose and run away - and he will ALWAYS BE RETURNED.



• He will grow old and be chronically ill- but he will never die. He is your eternal pup. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!"

Well, Gunther escaped again this week. This time he was gone overnight. I felt horrible because Tommy T was driving the neighborhood well into the night searching for this pup that he still manages to love. Out of love for HIM and NOT the dog - I called the area pounds the following day.

Me: "Yes, I was calling to see if our dog was found"

Lady: "Sure - what is the breed"

Me: "He's a yorkie who only uses three legs"

Lady: "A three legged yorkie?" (disgusted)

Me: (started laughing so hard I had to hand the phone to Tom)

Tom rushed over to ID the three legged yorkie. I was sure that there weren't many of them skipping around in our community - I KNEW it was him. Sure enough - we got to PAY money to receive him back into our lives.

He has an internal boomerang. Our other Yorkie, Gracie, whom we bought from a real life BREEDER, not a puppy mill - was ticked off when he came back. She would again be bunking with her white trash comrade.

Tom and I wrote an anthem for him, years ago. If you are LDS, it is sung to the tune of "High On A Mountain Top"

Enjoy the lyrics:

"High on a mountain top - a bald dog is unfurled,

Ye nations now look up to the pup who rules the world.

He thinks he is so bad - but we all know the truth -

He is a little, fat, dog who is SO rude.

His bark makes the deaf man hear because it is so loud

He loves to poop on the floor- especially in front of a crowd-

He pees at will - all over the ground

And that is the reason why he's going to the pound!"

He eventually did. But he came back.

I need to come to terms with this. I need to muster up some love for this pup - because it appears that we are going to be with him for a very long time. We need couples therapy. I used to have some serious love for this pup. Can it be rekindled? I will keep you posted!

In the meantime I would like to echo the sentiments in an ad that was in our local paper:

"FREE TO A GOOD HOME OR A BAD HOME...............

I WILL DELIVER"