Yesterday I joked about Astro minivans and Dodge Caravans (not the GRANDE caravan) - about how they are usually the minivans that you see tacky bumper stickers on. I was being a minivan snob.....which is a bit of an oxymoron in itself. That is like an exotic dancer calling a hooker a "skank". We in the minivan world are all in the same boat (that has 10-16 cup holders).
Anyway, I was driving home from the gym late last night - and off in the distance I saw one of these.
He was making no effort to get out of the road. It was almost as if he had accepted his fate....he was going to die, at my hands (wheels). He thought it would be more productive to give me the skunk finger than running for his life. Instead of fighting for hope - he turned and lifted his tail and sprayed his anal sweat gland RIGHT when my car was driving OVER him. Not ON him - OVER him. He was fine and ran off into the bushes.
While he went on enjoying his evening - I gasped for air as his powerful stench circulated through my A/C unit and permeated the leather seats and saturated the carpet. My eyes and lungs were on fire.
It was at that moment I realized that I was now the owner of the most inferior minivan in Arkansas. Karah was upset and complained the entire way to school. "I'm going to smell like a skunk! People aren't going to want to eat lunch with me!!!!"
I quickly remembered that I have a lunch date with my friend today - and I promised to pick her up at high noon....in my stank-mobile.
This morning while I was frantically googling how to remove skunk skank from my car - I found an article that told me that skunks are reluctant to use their smelly weapon, as they carry just enough of the chemical for five or six uses—about 15 cc—and require some ten days to produce another supply. I was oddly touched that he saved his precious batch for the Odyssey.
So, as I spend my morning trying to redeem my minivan from the depths of skunk hell......might I close with a scripture that has brought new meaning to my life these past few days.....
"And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted."
Consider it done. Officially abased....via skunk.
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